whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
