I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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