I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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