And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
