wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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