census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we're making bets on your personal life
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
