the day after is always just damage control
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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