I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
