My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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