Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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