it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize