did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Let's get the cat blown out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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