Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize