God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
