There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
