My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize