i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
