grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
