bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize