i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
