Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
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