So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Are we still banned from the library?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dicks are not precious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
