True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
