can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
