I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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