Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
