we made out on top of his cat.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
