yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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