I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
