we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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