would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
