I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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