I puked a lego.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
