shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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