I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
