I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
