So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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