I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
