drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
