he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
