i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize