Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
