so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
