dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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