I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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