Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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