If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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