He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize