I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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