The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
organizing the empties. That sober.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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