he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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