how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize