I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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