It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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