my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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