This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize