at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
