She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
