Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
