I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
