SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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