I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
