He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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