if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize