so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize