you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize