i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's never too late to be topless.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
