i think my mom watched the whole time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
