we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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