so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
