Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
