Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
whose parrot is this?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
