i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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