I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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