I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
