I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize