I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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