Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize