I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
