I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize