So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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