i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
