I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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