Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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