The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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