I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
