another moral hangover. fuck.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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