The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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