Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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