the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
