I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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