I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Randomize
