I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
