Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
