this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
